Have you heard about Looners? Not Loonies, Looners. They are people with a sexual balloon fetish. Yes, that is a thing. If you are one then just for you I am adding the following two images for your pleasure, and my entertainment.

There you go! Happy? I do apologise if you are not into women holding balloons, but for some reason it is easier for men to openly discuss the need for a prostate exam than stand and pose for a photo holding balloons.

Looners and Balloons

Now I have heard about Auralism before, which is defined as sexual arousal or excitement caused by sound. A few years ago this was a craze on YouTube where people would record themselves rubbing a balloon for hours.

I saw the balloon video and though it was nuts. See what I did there? Balloons… nuts. Oh this posting going to be loaded with suggestive undertones. While you are on the link from above do yourself a favour and learn more about Julius Malema for fun.

Back to the topic at hand, Looners take the whole thing a step further and have sub-sets within the fetish group. You get poppers, non-popper and semi-poppers. I swear I am not making up this shit.

It is however a natural reaction to think that this surely can’t be real. In doing more research on the topic I for one have more questions after BuzzFeed did an Interview with a Loonie who gave them the inside scoop. The best one for me out of the 12 points discussed is the following:

Zeppelin balloons are frightening the first time.

Anon Looner

Yes Love, it is like standing in a sex shop for the first time and wondering if the horse sized dildo should really be your first choice to replace your fairly disappointing High School boyfriend. We have all been there. Except for me. I was standing there wondering why you would want to blow up a sheep when the doll was clearly the better option.

My question: Not Safe for Work

I will now ask you to please excuse my ignorance on this topic because I do not know anyone who has a sexual balloon fetish to ask. I am also not accepting what I find on the internet on face value.

My understanding is that your sexual arousal and mental satisfaction is equal to that which we are all used to and familiar with. The natural state of the whole thing if we accept all forms of kink to be true and equal.

Now my question is this: Do you fear children’s parties?

It must be hell for you to attend! Little Johny is sitting there hitting the balloon in the air. Up and up it goes and on and on you turn. The little Sammy brat catches it and runs away with it. The excitement builds within you… will they? Won’t they? Is it going to pop or will the torture continue.

I mean for the kids it is just an innocent party, but for you it must be like seeing the Chippendale dance group for the first time, or a day at Hugh Hefners grotto.

To be clear, I am not saying you are a pedophile. This is the only social scenario I can think of where balloons are always at play. The party starts at 3 o’clock but you are there at 2, because somebody needs to help little Johny’s dad/mom blow up those balloons.

Later in the afternoon one of the parent starts up a conversation with you explaining in detail their job as a corporate tax consultant. They see that twinkle in your eyes and think to themselves that they have finally found the one person in the world that shares their passion. Meanwhile back at the ranch you are eyeing a yellow balloon behind them thinking, “Oh… if only you were a Zeppelin…”

Final WTF…

I don’t get it. I honestly don’t. WTF? But I can accept that there are people who do get it and who do like it. I just don’t want to end up at a kiddies party with them.

For those brave souls who do venture into the colourful “unknown to me” world, I leave you with this: